Remember the show Children Say The Darnest Things? Well, one of my favourite pastimes is to read the Quotes of the Week on the BBC website. Sportsmen, and footballers in particular, sometimes say very very strange things. One of my all time favourite quotes is this 1995 classic from Eric Cantona:
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea".
Huh??? (My sentiments exactly.) Well, this quote became so famous that the BBC wrote a whole article on it!
And how can we forget the self-titled "Special One" Jose Mourinho? What in the world was he talking about when he said this:
"The moral of the story is not to listen to those who tell you not to play the violin but stick to the tambourine."
Here are some funny quips from managers:
"I was a young lad when I was growing up.'' - David O' Leary
''At the start of the season you're strong enough to win the Premiership and the European Cup, but you have to be as strong in March, when the fish are down.'' - Gianluca Vialli
"He's captain of Rangers, and that's one of the reasons he's captain." - Walter Smith
"Matches don’t come any bigger than FA Cup quarter-finals." - Neil Warnock
"Obviously it would be tough playing up in the Premiership next season, but I wouldn’t lose any sleepless nights." - Alan Pardew
Some gems from Big Ron (Ron Atkinson):
"The ball goes down the keeper's throat where it hits him on the knees to say the least".
"Tony Adams - he's the rock that the team has grown from."
"Someone in the England team will have to grab the ball by the horns."
"I've had this sneaking feeling throughout the game that it's there to be won..."
"Think of a number between 10 and 11."
and from players:
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." - Ian Rush
Interviewer : "Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player?"
David Beckham: "Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side."
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." - Mark Viduka
"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7." - David Beckham
"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet." - David Beckham
"There is a smear campaign against me with facts, which are not true." - Toni Polster
But I think the funniest man of them all has to be Ian Holloway. For the uninitiated, Holloway is the manager of Plymouth Arygle, a CC Championship team in England. Check out his famous quote here:
He is a bit of a cult personality in the UK, and even has a column on bbc.co.uk where he answers all sorts of questions on issues of the day, from David Beckham to Big Brother. He's been voted funnier than the Ali G character in the UK, and has a book of quotations called Let's Have Coffee: The Tao of Ian Holloway. He comes up with the weirdest metaphors that are just a delight to listen to:
"You never count your chickens before they hatch. I used to keep parakeets and I never counted every egg thinking I would get all eight birds. You just hoped they came out of the nest box looking all right. I'm like a swan at the moment. I look fine on top of the water but under the water my little legs are going mad."
